One thing we all have in common is that someday, we’ll all pass away. Ideally, this happens peacefully in old age, but it’s a certainty for everyone. Sadly, many people die without having prepared a will or any instructions for their loved ones. This lack of preparation can lead to significant stress and hardship for families during an already tough time. Surprisingly, a 2017 survey by Caring.com found that only 42% of Americans have a will, even though not planning ahead can leave a heavy emotional and financial burden on those left behind.
Discussing end-of-life plans, including estate and advance care planning, is something many avoid. It’s not easy to think about the aging and eventual passing of a parent. However, as the baby boomer generation grows older, many find themselves financially and emotionally strained as they manage their parents’ healthcare needs and funeral arrangements, or deal with the fallout of having no advance directives in place when a parent becomes incapacitated.
The chaos of scrambling to find documents, make arrangements, and cover care expenses can be overwhelming, especially while balancing grief, work, and family life. This can lead to lasting damage among siblings who may disagree on their parents’ final wishes. While planning ahead can’t eliminate all stress or grief at the passing of a parent, it can reduce it significantly by ensuring you know your parents’ wishes and the basics of their estate and advance care plans.
End-of-Life Planning to Discuss With Your Parents:
It’s crucial to understand your parents’ end-of-life planning, which includes both their estate and advance care planning. Find out if they have a will, a trust, accounts with named beneficiaries, or joint accounts with rights of survivorship. Knowing these details helps prevent misunderstandings and prepares you for what to expect. Also, find out who they’ve chosen to execute their estate, as this person will manage their assets upon their death.
Advance Directives to Have in Place:
Advance care planning is about preparing for the possibility that your parents might become physically or mentally incapable of making decisions. It’s essential to discuss their wishes while they’re still healthy. Advance directives are legal documents that speak for your parents when they can’t, covering decisions about their healthcare and financial care. These include a living will, a durable power of attorney, and possibly a do not resuscitate order (DNR).
Where Are These Documents Located?
Knowing where these documents are kept is as important as having them. Make sure your parents create a "life file" that includes all necessary information like account numbers, legal and medical documents, and even digital account details. This ensures that everything needed to manage their estate or make decisions on their behalf is accessible when needed.
Costs of Care:
Discussing the financial aspects of care is also vital. With people living longer, the need for long-term care increases, which can be costly. Understand what your parents’ health insurance covers and whether they have long-term care insurance. If they haven’t set aside enough to cover these costs, you’ll need to plan how to manage these expenses, possibly involving other family members in the discussion.
Funeral Wishes:
Knowing your parents’ wishes for their funeral can prevent additional stress when the time comes. Discuss whether they prefer burial or cremation, and if they’ve made any financial arrangements for their funeral.
How to Start the Conversation:
Starting a conversation about end-of-life planning can be challenging. Consider using a family anecdote to lead into the discussion or asking for help to make it less intimidating. Focus on understanding their values and wishes, which can guide future decisions. Remember, it’s better to have these conversations early, while your parents are healthy, to avoid the difficulties that come with uncertainty later on.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls:
When discussing estate planning, be aware of common issues like misunderstandings about joint accounts or the consequences of not properly funding a living trust. These can lead to family disputes or financial issues after your parents’ passing.
In summary, while discussing end-of-life planning with your parents is tough, it’s a crucial step in ensuring their wishes are respected and that the family is prepared for the future. It not only helps in managing the practical aspects of their passing but also provides peace of mind for everyone involved.
